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Ben Franklin Facts
Ben “The Greatest American” Franklin was perhaps the most influential man in the history of our great nation. Whether it be inventions such as bifocals and lightning bolts, co-authoring the Declaration of Independence or bringing the fathering of illegitimate children into vogue it’s hard to argue the fact that Benjamin Franklin was the greatest man to ever live, even greater than Bob Uecker. You might think you already know all there is to know about the king of the fat baldos. You’re wrong, you arrogant bastard. Here’s a list of little known Ben Franklin facts so obscure that even Mr. Franklin himself was unaware of some of them.
In order to avoid the mental hindrance of heavy, oppressive wardrobes Franklin would often walk through town in the nude to free both his body and mind. He found his mind operated at its highest capacity when walking naked through young women’s boarding houses.
Revolutionized diversity in the industry of racial slurs.
Had brief stint as drummer for Jimmy Buffet on the “Cheeseburger in Paradise Tour.”
Known for his 13 Virtues, Frankin’s guide to building respectful character, Franklin was equally known by his contemporaries for being a “know-it-all son-of-a-bitch.”
Last words were “Wait, you’re telling me I wasn’t a President? Are you sure? It really seems like I was a President.”
Famous for publishing Poor Richard’s Almanac, a book of his witticisms. Less famous for publishing Poorer Richards Diary, a book of ways to score continental breakfasts without actually staying at the hotel.
Coined the phrase “Butterface.”
